I spotted your secret signal to me in last week's Wall Street Journal, and I knew that you wanted to meet:
I'm sorry that I blew you off, but I've been thinking about us a lot lately. Especially because this Friday is my and Manager Dad's ninth anniversary. It seems like this "starter marriage" of mine might actually stick.
And so, because of my love for MD and our Spawn, I think that it's time that you and I FINALLY put an end to our relationship.
I remember when we first met; we were so young, and dumb, and carefree.
I always appreciated the fact that you supported my career choices.
I'll miss the wild times we've had together, but it's getting hard for me to keep up with your Hollywood lifestyle.
But our affair wasn't ALWAYS about partying and fetishwear; some of my favorite times were the quiet, simple things that we did together.
I want to reiterate that I'm doing this for Manager Dad. This has absolutely nothing to do with my recent tweets about wanting to bear children for either of these fine young gentlemen:
So that's it. Our twenty years together have been lovely, but all good things must come to an end.
But I hope you take comfort in knowing that I'll always carry a little reminder of you in my heart, and my home:
I will love you desperately forever and am being forced to do this against my will
Fondly,
Manager Mom
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Dear Keanu,
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55 comments:
:-)
How fun that he's one of your Mii's. My favorite Mii is Old Man, he can kick anyone's ass in bowling, I love when he's on my team.
So if you have to choose, you aren't leaving Keanu REALLY are you? :-)
Hey, Keanu's loss is Joel McHale's gain. He's awesome.
Excellent!
MM, I have a really important question for you.
Are SEMIPRECIOUSETONS really any less precious than precious etons?
What a lovely tribute to a long-lasting love affair. I hope Keanu can find the strength to go on without you. Bless his little heart.
Ah yes, I broke up with Matt Damon earlier this year. It was sad, but liberating.
You do know that Johnny Depp never married that french tart because he's been holding out for the real french maid all these years??
Je t'aime Johnny.
I'm glad you waited until after his birthday to break up with him. Nobody wants to be dumped on their birthday. I just hope you didn't spring for an expensive gift.
btw, Michael Hutchence had to die to get away from me, but in my heart, he's still alive, and we're still having hot, hot lovin'
I know. It is gross. But you know what? Sometimes love is just gross. That's why I have Bono to help me clean up.
Excuse me, but there seems to be some sort of mistake. Keanu is mine, and has been ever since Diane Keaton chose Jack. Ya wanna take it outside?
Now those other two guys you can have.
Sam and MM, you need to step off, because Keanu is MINE. Always has been, always will be.
And maybe someday he'll realize it, too. In the meantime, I have Viggo Mortenson's love to keep me happy...
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
okay, so I was totally gonna raz about the whole Keanu affair, and then I noticed that Viggo was cheating on me with that bitch the cheap chick. So now I gotta go stalk her and TAKE HER OUT.
despite my marriage of (almost) 17 years (!), i still hold out hope for jon bon jovi. is that wrong??
Back of Manager Mom. Phil D. is ALL MINE.
For realz.
Sorry...back off. Not of.
I can't bring myself to break up with either Robert Redford or George Clooney. But if forced, what can I do?
You're hilarious. I hope Keanu Googles himself.
God he's hot. I appreciate the pic. *drool*
I'm totally into the bald head these days.
Alice, I like you a lot, but if you try to keep me away from Phil, I will TAKE YOU DOWN.
I played in a men's doubles beach volleyball league for eight years. I am 5' 11' - practically a giantess.
With a little help from Phil, I can birth a new breed of super-Spawn - a volleyball dynasty that will take care of me well into my sunset years.
Game ON, Alice.
I totally understand where you are coming from on this one. I don't think I'll ever be able to fully shake my love for John Cusak. But John Cusak as Lloyd Dobbler in Say Anything and John Cusak from Serendipity, not the John Cusak from Gross Pointe Blank or John Cusak from Must Love Dogs, or any other John Cusak's for that matter, just the Say Anything John Cusak. Well, maybe the John Cusak from High Fidelity...
Oh, Keanu, in The Matrix none-the-less(sorry, daydreaming here) ... I am sorry about your break up, but I think now would be the time for themommykelly to step up to the plate and step in. I will certainly be there to comfort him, Baby or no Baby! I promise.
My hubby needs to see this. With his obsession with the Matrix, I think HE must be having an affair with Keanu.
Shed a tear over a (dozen or so) martini to make you feel better. I promise...not that you'll fo sho feel better, but I do promise you'll get nice and drunk.
Well, I'm holding on to my man crush on John Stamos. I mean, the dude still has great hair.
Why is Jen W. hating my My John Cusack??? He rocks in everything!! See Grace is Gone. ;)
Happy Anniversary!! So sorry things didn't work out with Keanu!
Celebrate, you made the right choice!!
Hugs!!
Ah, thank you! I needed that chuckle out loud after a tiring day!
Who????
We love this letter to Keanu! Great photos too. It's hard to say goodbye to old flames. I hope he can move past you...but you might have scarred him for life!
The mii is hilarious!!
Don't you worry about dissapointing Keanu by staying in your marriage, I got two long legs that will be happy to console him.
Just saying!
Is it possible you missed Point Break in that montage homage frommage?
I loved him in Point Break but I loved him more in the remake "Fast and the Furious... oh wait! That's Paul Walker! Never mind.
It sounds like there's a couple of women here who will comfort Keanu for you.
Keanu is a hottie, too bad he's Kee-ant act.
And I totally think the Diane Keaton character was off her old granny rocker for passing up young Doc Keanu for the pot bellied, womanizing, young-skirt chasing Jack Nicholson. No effin' way!
Does this mean I can have him?
Happy Anniversary!
You know he's never going to leave it at that... after all you've been through.
Hope you got MD off your trail with this break up note.
At last you will always have Paris. The imaginary one at least.
Oh man... I skipped work to see Speed. Twice. Ashamed to admit that. I'm glad you got him out of your system.
Finally. I have been waiting for this for years! Now I can have him all to myself.
I'm giddy....and moist with anticipation.
Oh man, breakups are tough. Wanna come over for a pint of Haagen Dazs? Oh, I know what will cheer you up. Go get your award over at my blog!
My god, is it even POSSIBLE?
I think your photoshop skills are even more gorgeous since before the hiatus. I am humbled, as always.
gosh, i just hate to see a perfect relationship end like this....
Happy Anniversary!
I've been working on a similar letter to Tom Selleck as the husband and I approach our 12th anniversary. It will probably break his heart but the husband refuses to share my affections any longer. ;)
I votefor the Volley ball guys. Keanu has issues anyway.
LOVE the photoshop shades on your face! Did that take you 6 or 7 hours? I did finally get Capture Express, but alas, still took me 6 hours to get my picture on top of anything else in photoshop. You are the master, and sad to say, I'm your servant.
It's awful what the immagination and raging hormones can do. and hell, I've no shame, I'll rob a frickin celebrity cradle in my MIND where dreams really Do come true.
I just spit out my water, I laughed so hard I peed a little.
kEEnu. kAHnu. I stressed that for so long. I figured I should know how to pronounce his name when we met and fell in love.
my (fake) husband is kirk herbstreit ... I think I may hang onto him a little while longer.
Awww...He can come hang his head on my shoulder...or a little lower.;)
Naw, I couldn't cheat on David Cook that way. I still haven't washed where he touched my tush...
I love me some Joel McHale!
Ooooh I love Keanu! I always have. Therefore, I was thrilled to marry a man who looks like him. Well, he looks like Keanu in the first Matrix and before. I think maybe he had some plastic surgery or something. He looks a little different now. Or it could just be that he getting older.
Oh yeah, I forgot to say... Happy Anniversary!!
You've been tagged, don't hate me!!
meme away
Good choice!
I 'met' the pop star who had been my total obsession when I was 14 - last week in the next village!!!
Hum....he had changed somewhat....wrinkly and grey....very disappointing!...still at least I won't ever hanker afer him again!
Marriage is all about compromise, Manager Mom. Sometimes that compromise includes giving up your Matrix lovers. Not always, but sometimes.
Happy Anniversary! ;)
Wow....you look really hawt driving that bus!!
Isn't it hard having to make these adult kind of decisions...of course, I won't make one anytime soon, but...good for you girlfriend!
(I'm sorry...but really...who is Joel McHale? must go and Google now!)
I think there is a rehab center that breaks people of Keanu addiction.
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