Manager Mom is back in the house!
My 2008 "It's Business Time" West Coast Road Trip is over, ending on a climactic half-day strategic partnership event at the mad glamorous Denver Airport Marriott Doubletree.
I was gone a LONG time. I missed five mornings and was supposed to miss six bedtimes. But thanks to an unexpected travel karma niblet, I got home four hours early - just in time to catch The Boy in the middle of his bath and get myself a wet naked hug.
"Manager Mom," you are probably not thinking to yourself, "How could your coach class travel plans POSSIBLY have gotten you home EARY?"
American Airlines gets zero credit for my triumphant return. What happened was that meeting had a lot of high-falutin biggywigs there, and one of them canceled their travel plans at the last-minute, which meant an open seat on the corporate jet.
So being the selfless team player that I am, I stepped up and volunteered to be The One. And while I could pretend that I felt bad for the coworkers that didn't get on the plane, what I really want to say is, OH HELLS YEAH, bitches, THAT is how Manager Mom likes to ROLL!
I have unilaterally decided that I am NEVER AGAIN going to be subject to the cramped seating, anger-filled atmosphere, and virulent flatulence that are the hallmarks of today's air travel. From here on out, I'm all about sinking into the sweet leather seats of the Gulfstream G-Whatevermodel, Cristal in my pimp cup, posse at the ready. 
There's just one TEENSY problem. I am WAY too low-level be able to ride the jet on demand. My lack of status was made abundantly clear when I tried to eat a Caesar salad that I found in the galley, only to have another passenger yank it from my hands so that she could give it to someone who was actually important.
I hope I'll never have to travel again, because coach travel will be pretty hard to take after this.
P.S. can somebody PLEASE teach me how to use photoshop?
Thursday, June 12, 2008
It's Good To Be Queen
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54 comments:
This is too funny. And if you knew how to use PhotoShop it wouldn't be nearly as humorous.
I recently got to fly first class international - with seats that go flat! on a flight to Australia. That I thought was the top-notch business travel, but you've beat me by a long shot. H
owever, I was allowed to finish my 5-star meal on white tablecloth with chilled champaigne without any trouble from those pesky and status-conscious flight attendants.
A few suggestions from past experience UNDER corporate wings. DO NOT get so drunk they have to pour you out of DAY PLANE. That will mess it up for everyone in your jet wake. Aside from that, you are free to move about the cabin.
I'm flyin' high if I fly Alaska Airlines instead of Southwest--that's some bangin' company you've been keeping. I like the blonde on you.
Ahh..you look like you've mastered my MS Paint techniques. Can't help with Photoshop since I'm too poor to own it yet.
Nice ride on the Gulfstream - I'm jealous. Really.
My Love, the queen of corporate travel frequent flier miles, took Thing 1 on a flight with her once. Now the little girl gets pissy when she is not in 1st class when we travel. See how corporate American is ruining people's lives.
use the magic wand (and no that's not a euphemism) tool in Photoshop... it will make those kinds of things a lot easier.
Welcome back from your trip, mm. (I'm a former-and-wish-I-still-were West Coaster.)
I'm with Wenderina, that the crumminess of the "mash-ups" is part of the funny. But since you want an education in Photoshop, you probably would be the first to admit you suck at it, in which case you're in for some learnin' and some laughs.
Interesting, you look somehow...different...from your trip.
As a fellow business traveler (40,000+ flown miles/year), I wouldn't get on the corporate jet for fear of not getting my frequent flyer miles. Sad, but very true. Anyway, welcome back!
Ever seen "you suck at photoshop"? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_X5uR7VC4M
Do a search on Digg for the whole series of Photoshop "lessons"
i thought i saw you on TMZ last night!
Love it : That's how Manager Mom likes to roll - the picture was great, more funny that it looks so pieced together.
You are freakin' hillarious
Love it!
And here I thought I was cool because my dad (bless his heart) bought us tickets from Ohio to California FIRST CLASS! Wooo-eeee!! I can't wait to see the looks of abject horror on the faces of our fellow first class passengers when we burst in toting a one year old and all her crap with us. I can practically hear the Beverly Hillbillies theme already!
And I loved the pictures - I agree with the others that they're so much funnier the way they are.
OK that is totally awesome.
Photoshop? Pshaw...your pictures rocked!!
I sat in First Class once from Atlanta to St Louis. It was so bouncy and rocky all we got was a bottle of water. But hey, at least I could cross my legs.
It was a bittersweet day when I was downgraded to cattle class because I no longer traveled so much.
Just wipe that jet experience from your memory, or it will make all your future travel experiences that much more of a downer.
I love your blog! This makes me laugh hard!!
I had one chance in first class and I thought I was so cool with cloth napkins and all! It was only because of lack of seats in my regular coach section. But CORPORATE JET! That's for "Supa-Stas" like you! Way to go girl! Fight for your permanent seat there:)
Thanks for commenting on my blog so I could find yours!
Manager Mom, you are my hero!
I want to learn photoshop too! It will make blogging life more fun... I can't believe you got to ride in a jet with those rap stars!
Wish knew where to get wet, naked hugs.
Welcome home. : )
I edit by post-it note, so no help from me whatsoever.
This was hilarious though, and probably wouldn't have been as much fun with state-of-the-art editing!
I'll stay mum on the photoshop skills as they are far superior to my own. As for the jet; I suggest a private eye with a tele-photo zoom lens. Within a week or two you should have enough "persuasion" to get you the seat AND the salad. Put the PI on your expense account; they won't see it until later, and your shrewdness may even get you promoted.
LOL...you go girl! I think blatant bribes are the way to go. And perhaps laughing loudly at the bosses jokes, plenty of back-slappin', and horribly long hours...yep, that would garner the seat on the jet :)
I see you were able to make an appointment with one of those miracle-working Beverly hills cosmetic surgeons. Good for you!
Yeah, your face pasting proportions are better than mine, but it looks like we were thinking the same thing. =)
I would love to fly like that!
I love your Photoshop skillz. The "z" at the end means you're extra talented.
You should have just told the flight attendant: "Don't you KNOW who I AM?" We do! You're the rockin' Manager Mom who gets home in time for baths!
Ah! Travel serendipity! Magnificent!
Ah! Travel serendipity! Magnificent!
P.S. I think The Pioneer Woman does Photoshop tutorials on her blog.
Sweet - corporate jet.
you got home FOUR HOURS EARLY??? unheard of!
Tee hee...spell check thinks you spelled *licious* wrong...they obviously don't hang with the right peeps.
Your photoshop skillz are far superior to mine. Yeah. Really.
You really scored! My husband took a job for a few years that didn't require travel and it killed him to give up his frequent flyer status. Now he's back to the old grind and traveling every other week but the perks haven't caught up with him yet. Tonight he's on his way to Germany and I think he's sitting in cargo...
I'm glad you are 'home again home again jiggity jig' and that you got to fly first-class, baby!
And? Congrats on surviving many days worth of business argot (aka, stupid biz speak like 'paradigm shift' et all).
To annoy me, my Big Brother will occasionally start talking to me like one of his idiot boss's e-mailed memos. Where did they come up with this language anyway? I blame Tony Robbins.
i have to agree, if you used photoshop, it wouldn't be as humorous. your company flies you places? mine says get in the car and drive!
I am in awe, having not even stood next to a corporate jet. Still, can I call the company on your behalf? Note I will not be utilizing non-existent photoshop skills . . .
Sigh. I would fly biz class internationally when I worked in corporate world: HEAVEN, and I mean it. And I would just lie there, in my fully reclined seat and think "suck it, steerage coach-class" - knowing it was a fleeting experience. Because nothing stinks more than coach class international - miserable. And a corporate jet? Oh my.
What? That looks like good photoshop skills to me!
I love your blogger skills - who needs photoshop anyway? (OK I admit, i can't use any of these tools, so I think you rock!)
Nice score on the corporate jet thing. Travel on coach does bite...
My company doesn't even have a corporate jet! After all that I would love to hear your "take-aways" from the event. Not really, I just need pointers on how to BS my way through next time I have to suffer through one of those.
Seriously, don't learn Photoshop. Your posts are totally hilarious and it adds to the charm. :o)
I am actually fairly well versed in photoshop, but when I send my friends one of my patented PowerPointe presentations, they expect that the images are done in paint, and are choppy and appear bush leage at best.
This post was hilarious, and your microsoft paint "cut and paste" style makes the posts so much funnier.
bah, who needs photoshop? Those photos rock!
OMG...this is funny! I've never had a seat in first class or been on a corporate jet. So jealous! Did they give you anything to eat at all?
Hey, thanks for stopping by my blog. I've been away from blogging while recovering, but getting back into the swing of things. Sorry it's taken so long to check your blog out.
I've read quite a few of your posts, and they are great! I had to comment on "Kum & Go" ... there were 2 of those in the last town I lived in. Gotta love Missouri! Oddly enough, it was my favorite gas station, and I refused to fill up anywhere else!
I'm sick to my stomach with jealousy that you were on a plane with Jay Z and P Diddy! Some folks were just born to hop-knob with the star - or someone's dreams got a little carried away. bawahaaa
Hey a girl can dream, right!!
I'm going to definately email you about switching to a Mac! Girl I need all the advice I can get. And as for the photoshop, when you figure that out, pls don't leave your girl behind! I need to learn that as well.
I've been trying to get people to teach me how to use Photoshop for several months, and the crickets just chirp away. My niece took a college course in order to learn it, so it's obviously a piece of cake, eh? Too bad she lives too far away for me to enslave her.
I'm just glad you didn't photoshop yourself on a bus with the New Kids on the Block... Manager Mom DOES know how to roll!
My technology of choice is actually NOT photoshop, it's Powerpoint, sadly... corporate drone, through and through.
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This is so funny. My first visit. Had a blast!
Awesome!
I agree, though, that your lack of PS skills is what makes your pictures hilarious!
my god you're living the high life! i would have paid for times like that during my life of traveling.
love your blog!
Came here via The Rising Blogger. Very funny and a worthy win. Congrats! Don't worry about Photoshop. I agree with the previous comments. It's much funnier this way. Great blog!
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