Showing posts with label quickies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label quickies. Show all posts

Sunday, July 27, 2008

A Statistical Analysis of My Post-Vacation Nervous Breakdown

Estimated days it will take to unpack and reassimilate all crap: 3

Percentage of tomato plants that died while we were away: 89%

Hours of unwatched shows on the DVR: 18

Toilets containing week-old unflushed kid pee: 1

Length of unmowed grass: 19 inches tall

Minutes that The Girl cried in the car on the way home: 27

Minutes that Spawn slept in the car: zero

Total pounds gained: 6

Number of digital photos to sort through: 734

Estimated percentage of digital photos that halfway decent: 12%

Unread work emails: 889 (before mailbox went over size limit and shut down)

Weight of unopened mail: 24 pounds

Months it will take to pay off vacation credit card debt: 2.5

Ratio of vacation fun to stressful aftermath: 1:1000

I'll get myself together and write something decent soon, I hope.

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Monday, July 7, 2008

Open Your Office

No good idea shall go uncopied or unpunished.

I enjoyed being a Peeping Mom so much in Mrs. G's "Heart of the Home" multi-blog postapalooza a few weeks back that I emailed her and asked if I could steal the idea, with a little modification. Being the gracious hostess she is, she gave me the go-ahead.

So here's my thought. Since she already covered the heart of the home, I am interested in the brains of your operation. What's your intellectual sanctuary? Where do you go to do your thinking, working, and writing? Whether you're a cubicle jockey or a backseat-of-the-minivan scribbler, join us and lay it bare for all to see.

Here's how we'll seal the deal: (NOW WITH NEW SIMPLER INSTRUCTIONS!)

1. Create a post about what you consider your office: the place you get work done, or your best thinking space.

2. Post it sometime on Sunday, July 13.

3. Email me with a link to your post when it's live.

I will include links to all of your posts when I post mine, and we will commence general time-wasting.

Nothing below the fold today.



NOTHING TO SEE HERE...PLEASE MOVE ON.

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Thursday, June 26, 2008

I Swear To God, I Am Not Making This Up.

Step aside, Kum & Go. There's a NEW sheriff in town.

Sent in by alert fellow blogger reneedesigns at ButWhyMommy.

Nothing below the fold today, bloggy friends.

DIDN'T I TELL YOU NOT TO CLICK??? HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO REPEAT MYSELF?

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Wednesday, June 4, 2008

And the "Company With The Smuttiest Sounding Name" award goes to...


I was in a meeting today where a guy from our sales group was presenting recommendations on how to improve our business performance within the convenience store channel, and when we got to a page with this company's logo on it, I completely lost it and started sniggering like a nine-year-old boy who gets his first glimpse of a real girl's boobies.

So I had to check out the website to make sure that this was a real company, not some subversive sales-team inside joke. And it totally is! The phallic gas nozzle and the kid with the shit-eating grin on his face just makes it even more entertaining. I mean, really. Is this a gas station website or a cautionary tale to frighten teenage girls into taking a vow of chastity?

They're located mostly in states ending in -kota or -braska, but that's no excuse. They have porn in those states too, don't they? Unless someone over there is working on a name change, I see limited growth potential in this company's future...

P.S.Don't click to read more. There's nothing there. I'm just too much of a moron to figure out how to get the code out of my post html.


DIDN'T I TELL YOU NOT TO CLICK??? HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO REPEAT MYSELF?

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Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Tom Brady Is In My Basement


Unfortunately, it's not the Bridget Moynahan-impregnating, Glaceau-drinking, Gisele-shagging, Stetson-scented, Superbowl-losing-quarterback hottie.

It's the Tom Brady from Connecticut Basement Systems, here to provide an estimate on how much it would cost to install a new sump pump.

Nonetheless, it was highly entertaining to send Manager Dad an email with this post title as the subject line. In his reply, he indicated that he would make a few stops on the way home from work: 1) to purchase a pregnancy test and 2) to have a quick consultation with a divorce attorney.

If you did click here, sorry, no more pearls of entertainment in this post. I just couldn't figure out how to get rid of the "click here" link.

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