Estimated days it will take to unpack and reassimilate all crap: 3
Percentage of tomato plants that died while we were away: 89%
Hours of unwatched shows on the DVR: 18
Toilets containing week-old unflushed kid pee: 1
Length of unmowed grass: 19 inches tall
Minutes that The Girl cried in the car on the way home: 27
Minutes that Spawn slept in the car: zero
Total pounds gained: 6
Number of digital photos to sort through: 734
Estimated percentage of digital photos that halfway decent: 12%
Unread work emails: 889 (before mailbox went over size limit and shut down)
Weight of unopened mail: 24 pounds
Months it will take to pay off vacation credit card debt: 2.5
Ratio of vacation fun to stressful aftermath: 1:1000
I'll get myself together and write something decent soon, I hope.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
A Statistical Analysis of My Post-Vacation Nervous Breakdown
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43 comments:
Bummer that the tomato plants didn't make it.
Strange, isn't it? How you always seem to need a vacation after a vacation?
Get some rest, and relax. I'm even willing to cook you dinner. That is, if my kids don't eat it all before you get here.
I love the pee found in the toilet! Thanks for the laugh, I head out for vacation on Thursday. Hopefully since Nadine's friend going with us got a new cell phone, she's updated her received text message sound from the damn clap we heard CONSTANTLY last year! Teenagers!
It's always like that, isn't it? I constantly need a vacation from my vacation. Too much togetherness = yucky.
Wow - you only need 3 days to unpack and reassimilate? You're my hero.
If it's any consolation, I wasn't on vacation and 89% of my tomato plants are kilt.
I'm never sure if vacations are really worth it. I'm impressed it's only going to take you 2.5 months to pay it off!
I feel sorry for you. I've had 2-day-old kid pee toilets and it's BAD.
Take my advice and get your kids to start cleaning that stuff. You should see BoyChild when I make him clean up his own pee because he won't hold his weenie. Here's the Fantastic and here's a paper towel. Go crazy kid! You'd a thought I asked him to dip his finger in toxic sludge with the reaction I got. Hey! If you don't want to touch it, guess what? I don't either. Harumph.
Welcome back.
Hahaha. Well...you'll always have Escape From New York. : )
So now I know who will be leading the drinking games at this week's blogger meet-up and why :-)
I too have a non-flusher in the house. Thanks for the reminder to check all pee receptacles before we leave for our vacation.
Welcome back!
Well, at least you can have the breakdown in your own home. Nothin' like having to pay tourism tax on your nervous breakdown!
Oh. Oh. Oh, that pee left to ferment in the toilet. I absolutely shuddered reading that. I've experienced that horror. I'd rather come home to find my house had been ransacked by squators who'd used it as a meth den then to come home and be hit in the nose with the rancid bouquet of festered urine.
Be strong. I shall pray for you. If you want. Afterall, you've already been baptized in the (toilet) waters.
But how was the sex?
Dang girl that is funny. And also I FEEL FOR YOU. The Morning After for vacation is the absolute worst.
it sucks that after you have kids, vacation is no longer somewhere that you go to rest and relax. it becomes a more stressful time that you do for your kids and they don't like most of it.
Mergers are more fun than vacation clean up. Pop a cork and good luck!
Ah, the paradox of the vacation: you shut off everything that is stressing you out for a period of time, only to have it accumulate while you are gone, often creating worse circumstances than when you left.
And that's before you start talking about the money you spent on making yourself more stressed.
You'll figure it out. Somehow, we always do. We're parents - that's our job.
EEEK! I hope you get it all sorted out quickly!
And you had crappy weather! Aren't vacations a grand concept? Good luck getting through those emails. I hope most were just list serve junk.
we go on vacation on friday and I fear for my tomato plants
AND at least your kid pees IN the toilet;)
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God, vacations are so punishing! Good thought on weighing the mail. I'm totally gonna do that. First I need a vacation from my vacation...!
I´m currently in the pre-vacation stage, trying to make sure I get all the stuff done so I can actually go (like flush toilets filled with urine). I only relax once buckled in on flight.
If it is yellow let it mellow.....
We head out on Friday for a week. I expect my yard to be a nuclear wasteland when I get back. Oh well, a rock yard would look nice.
Kind of sad when the office actually looks good, isn't it? Good luck with that unpacking, and remember if dirty laundry is left alone too long, it will start reproducing, doubling in size every hour or so until you've got a cotton blend Mt. Everest on your hands!
I can sympathize with the yard thing. I view yard work as punishment for owning a house. I wonder how much it would cost to turn an area ,say 100 ft x 200 ft (back of the house) into a Japanese sand garden.
Unflushed pee,,,,,that is the worst!!
#1
i am 5 days home. still recovering. decided it is best to throw everything away: dead plants, laundry, old food, kids, husband, brain.
Estimated days until my vacation with my sister: 8
Estimated number of plants that will die even though my hubby will be home: 5
Estimated number of times he WON'T flush the toilet: too high to count.
Estimated number of martini's I will drink: hmmm another number too numerous to mention.
However, it's always good to get home...
I can relate to the work email thing completely. Hate it. I discovered an awesome technique for getting through them more quickly. Mass delete.
I totally agree that it's often not worth it (at least as Mom) to even take the vacation. You still do all the mom stuff during vacation, then the triple work when you get home, then you get to work and every single bit of your work is still piled up...I see a recurring theme in my comment: WORK
I get more rest in the office than at home or vacation for sure.
You could find worse things in the toilet that have simmered for a week.
awesome and downright funny! better clean off that DVR or no new content!!
eww, for some reason i can even smell that unflushed pee.
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...that wasn't kid pee. I snuck into your house while you were gone and pee'd in your toilet, purposely neglecting to flush.
tehehehe
Aaaauuuugggghhhh ... I feel ya, sista! Oh dear GOD, I feel ya.
It's that way over at my end, too.
Shoot me. Just shoot me now.
After being home from vacation for the last 8 days, I'm still suffering from PVDI (Post-vacation Denial & Inertia). The baskets of dirty clothes have had babies and grand-babies by this point.
Welcome home! good luck sorting it out. I haven't "sorted it out" in about 2 years.
Apples to apples and oranges to oranges:
You've gained 6 lbs of weight and 24 lbs of mail. With that much to sort through, I somehow think things will just take care of themselves.
I have several in my house who don't flush!! Thanks for the reminder before vacation starts!
DAAAAAANG!!!
That is all.
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