Revolting Excretions At A Low Low Price

I'm a classic Type A personality with a demanding job. I'm also the also mother of two children who think nothing of wandering into our bedroom at various times of the night, just to tell me that they're thirsty. No suprise then that I often have trouble sleeping. But one upside of the insomnia is my exposure to dozens of infomercials for a whole world of new, exciting products that are only available if you CALL NOW!!!

I've always had a weakness for the tempting promises of these miraculous products. At the least, they promise to streamline my life. Why have a colander AND a spaghetti pot if they can be combined into one? They also provide infantile self-entertainment (if you've ever seen a dog vacuumed with a Flo-Bee haircutting system, you'd know what I mean).

Sometimes they can even be life-altering. Why, if it wasn't for my Jack Lalanne Power Juicer, Manager Dad and I might not be married today. Back in the early 90's when we met (I was a DJ, he was a doorman at the cheesiest bar in all of Chicago), I lured him to my apartment with the promise of freshly made apple juice. I must have ground up at least three pounds of apples to get about two ounces of liquid, but he proved worth the investment.

But nothing can compare to the sheer, morbidly fascinating grossness of the Kinoki Foot Pad.

Not since they first introduced the Biore Pore Perfect blackhead strips have I ever coveted something so completely on first sight.

I don't feel toxic, mind you, but the idea of putting a nice clean white sheath on my foot at night and waking up to a mottled, greenish-black pad filled with micrometals and poisons from my body just sounded too good to pass up. And the prospect of having the fascinatingly repulsive visual evidence made it even better! All for only $19.95 plus shipping and handling! It's amazing how the receipt of one's annual bonus, coupled with a few glasses of wine, can help you rationalize that giving your credit card information to people who sell giant, charcoal-filled foot bandaids is a good idea.

I did my first set of pads last night. I could take a digital photo and show you, but I'm sure you'd rather trust me on how nasty they look. WOW. The way those pads looked, I am suprised that I have not been walking around emitting a constant nuclear glow. Do they really detoxify people? Who cares. What I know is, they are spectacularly yucky to look at.

I have to wait 48 hours before doing my next set of pads. I'll be looking for ways to continue detoxing. No Diet Wild Cherry Pepsis for me today - I'm all about the clean living.

Why, I might even slice up some fresh veggies with my Ginsu knives.

Read more about these ancient mystic Eastern herbal miracles for yourself at the kinoki website.