Another One Bites The Dust

I recently learned that yet another of my friends got divorced after nearly 14 years of marriage. This makes the success rate of my best friends' marriages about 50% - I guess this makes our group average. Some of them got divorced within a few years of marrying their college sweethearts; others lasted for a few years and are now toppling during the mythic 7-year itch window. I had one of my friends who just got re-married refer to her "starter marriage" with the same kind of fuzzy nostalgia some reserve for a beloved childhood pet.

Divorce is no big deal nowadays, right? Some fun facts:

- 41% of all first marriages bite dust after a median length of 8 years. 60% of second marriages end after about 7 years. Don't even bother with a third unless you have a good lawyer - 75% of those are destined to fail. (To quote Kanye in 'Golddigger' - "We want pre-nup! We want pre-nup!")

- Connecticut has the second lowest divorce rate of all U.S. states - 2.8% end in divorce in any given year. Must be our puritan heritage. Or the fact that people in Fairfield County don't want to dilute their assets through divorce - extramarital affairs are much cheaper. Unless you get caught.

- Sweden has the highest average divorce rate (over 50%); India, the lowest (1%). Is that because Sweden seems to have a high concentration of young, blonde, gorgeous, nubile, home-wrecking au pairs?

- The marriage of Scott Mckie and Victoria Anderson may not officially be the shortest on record (90 minutes), but the circumstances of their demise (click here to read about them) is certainly one of the most entertaining.

I'm not trying to be high and mighty or melodramatic, but as an only child from a 'broken home' herself - divorce sucks. I think people are trying to make some lemonade out of the lemons - throwing Divorce Parties, buying whimsical favors for post-divorce cleansing rituals (check out Penis Pinatas from the Divorce Party Supply Website) But that doesn't change the fact that it's a sad, lonely, emotionally damaging, and expensive time of people's lives. I am determined to NEVER put my own kids through that unless it is the absolute point of last resort. You will pry my husband from my cold, dead hands. (Or, you will pry his cold, dead hands from me. Yes Will, this means you.)

To my friends who got, are getting, or will eventually get divorced, I'm sorry you have to go through that. Especially those of you with kids - I salute you and am in awe of how you keep it all together as single moms or dads. I hope for each of you that someday you do find love again and buck the odds to make it last.

Or, at the very least, that you find your bliss in a lifestyle similar to my friend Karl the Perpetual Bachelor - lounging by the pool at the Hard Rock Hotel Las Vegas on Rehab Sunday, buying drinks for random, large-breasted local skanks. Rock on, Karl!